Royal Chant have released yet another sub par single. We weren’t really wanting to feature them but Mark Spence from the band kept begging so we gave in to the sobbing and did an interview out of pity!

Your latest single was one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard, are you deliberately trying to dish up rubbish or are you just naturally talentless?

We kind of assumed that no one was paying attention by this point, so we’re just throwing things together. It’s not our fault you actually bothered to listen to it.

The single pretty much sounds like everything else you’ve ever done, why didn’t you just release one of your previous songs under a new name?

How did you get your hands on our long-term business strategy? That was never supposed to be leaked to the wider public, but yeah, that’s basically what we’re going to start doing in the future.

Your lyrics are completely incoherent, have you ever considered singing in English?

It’s all about the nuance. You just have to keep digging. Or drinking. Once they start to make sense, then you’ve know you’ve had enough.

What do you have to say in response to the allegations that you’re just a glorified Clash cover band?

That our PR agency is doing a very good job and we should be paying them more. Honestly, we never thought we’d be accused of ripping off a band that good.

Does your latest single provide an accurate snapshot of where you are and where you’ve been, the document of the man himself?

Seeing as how it was self-produced, I think it provides an accurate snapshot of our current bank balance

It costs to go see you perform, do you charge your wife if she hears you sing in the shower?

She’s banned me from singing in the shower because that means I’m still drunk from the night before.

If you were a crayon, what colour would it be?


What did you have for breakfast today?


Would you rather be deaf or blind?


When are you going to give up this music thing and get a real job?

Just one more year, I swear….

Royal Chant has had a lot of band member changes, is that because no one can stand working with you?

Although the simplest answer is usually the correct one, in this case I think something far more convoluted and complicated is at play. I’m a beacon of light & talent and that can be difficult for some people to be around for an extended period of time.

You recently played with Phil Jamieson, what was it like to play with someone who actually had talent?

It’s still startling for me to play in front of people that we didn’t have to bribe or guilt into showing up, aka: fans.